integrating's Diaryland Diary

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"how did i get here"

Well that's it for the journal entries.
I thought I had more journals than that.
Maybe it just seemed like it.
Most of it was edited because most
of it included my life with my ex
who I don't want to remember
anything about. We broke up in
June 2010. Good riddance.
Glad to be away from him.

Anyway, now that I have gleened
what I wanted out of my journals
I'm faced with the daunting task
of writing again. It's been a long
time. I used to just randomly pick
a word from the dictionary and start
writing. It's not that easy now.

Now...I realize I have become
exactly what I wanted and now I
don't want it anymore.

I wanted to be alone.
I am alone.
I didn't want to work anymore
because I could not deal
with the world at large.
Now I'm on disability
for mental and physical reasons.
Now I am left with myself.
Nothing to do but hate myself
for the things I've done to
those I love so much in order
to become this recluse.

Now what do I do...

9:13 a.m. - 01.22.12

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