integrating's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"a little bit about me"

I feel I have nothing to say anymore.
I am a sad story...
I have two sons that I love dearly.
The oldest is 30 and living in
Colorado training to become an
x-ray technician. He loves to live
in other places. Just picks up and
goes with no plans whatsoever.
He gets that from me.

Then there's my youngest.
He's 17 and has outgrown the
need of his mother, which I
am not taking to very well.
I feel bad about that every day.
When he was 11 we were homeless,
(one of many times for me), and
school was about to start and I
sent him to live with his father.
I didn't want to do it and it killed
me inside.

Two weeks later I got an apartment
and told him he could come back and live with
me, but he told me he wanted to
wait til the end of the year. I didn't
want to do that but that's what he
wanted so I honored his decision.
By the end of the school year he
had put down roots and made friends
and such and didn't want to come live
with me.

He lives about 45 minutes away and I
have no car, so I have to rely on friends
to pick him up and take him home, and
I have to pay for their gas.
I don't get to see him nearly as
much as I'd like to.
I cry a lot and get suicidal.

I did actually attempt suicide
May of 06. I took 56 mg of Xanax.
My boyfriend at the time rushed
me to the hospital.
That's a whole other story.
Maybe I'll tell it tomorrow.

One day at a time.

9:00 a.m. - 01.24.12

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next