integrating's Diaryland Diary

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"suicide attempt"

So I chug down 56 mg of Xanax. (I remember now there
is a notebook missing because I remember a really
funny story about being in the psyche ward. I have
admitted myself so many times I can't count.)


My boyfriend drops me off at the emergency room.
(He won't go in because of another story I'll tell
later.)
He tells a nurse what's going on as I go into
the restroom. She follows me in there. I leave.
She follows me out calling, "Ma'am! Ma'am!"
I am going unconscious and it takes all my
strength to get to a gurney I see in the
distance.

Next thing I know I'm in a hospital gown and
in front of me is a very pissed off woman
doctor holding out a charcoal shake to me.
No clue as to why she's so pissed off, but
I chug the shit. She walks off and to show
her she's not the boss of me, I walk out
of the hospital, gown and all. A nurse comes
and gets me. By this time I've made it to
the parking lot.


Next thing I remember is waking up in the
ward lying on a gurney in restraints.
Everything is fuzzy from here on out.
My boyfriend called my parents. They drove
two hours to the hospital. At the time I
hated my mother and was yelling at her to
go the fuck home. I remember drawing as
deep a breath as I could and just screaming
until my lungs were spent.


My boyfriend wouldn't come in so he sent
his brother in to check on me. I remember
opening and closing my eyes and wondering
if I was halucinating. When I realized it
was Cameron I closed my eyes because I
really couldn't keep them open.
Later he told me I still had the charcoal
shake around my mouth.

That's pretty much all I remember, except
the fight with the hospital police and
the attendant.
Anyway, they told me I was in there
7 days and was in a coma for 3 days.

Dr. was going to send me to the state
hospital, but released me to the custody
of my mother. Three days later I went back
to my fucking idiot boyfriend.

That's about it.

12:52 p.m. - 01.25.12

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