integrating's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "tonight, tonight"....Smashing Pumpkins I can't fuckin sleep. Just lay there having anxiety ridden thoughts. Things from the past that I would have done differently...Things that haven't even happened yet and probably won't. I see they changed the way entries are being made. I thought the crew of this here Diaryland had all skee-daddled. (What the fuck is wrong with me) So Derek came over Weds night. He and Kris finished off half a bottle of rum. Kris gave Derek a tattoo. A rose. Right now it's just the outline. I'm sure it will look better when it gets filled in. So he spent the night. They didn't go to sleep til 6:30. I had errands to run and I thought they would sleep all day but miraculously they woke up early. One of the errands I had to run was going to the grocery store cuz we had no food in the house. I thought I was going to be sitting there waiting for them to wake up all day so I ordered a pizza. Guess that woke them up. The smell of food. Works every time. So we went to WalMart where my bank is. Got my rent money order, groceries and $10 for Derek. I doubted Kris gave him much which was confirmed when I asked Derek how much gas money Kris had given him and he said $10. That really sucked of Kris. Derek comes an hour away and is so cool about going wherever we need to go. He's the only person we can count on when we need a ride and we live about an hour away from each other. So...I gave him $10 too. Then stopped at the office to pay rent and renew lease. Now that that's done I can stopped obsessing over it. I swear, all this worrying and obsessing me is driving me insane. I call my mother every day despite the fact that I have nothing to say and she always ends up bitching me out. I'm sure she cringes every time she sees my name on the caller I.D. Talking to Tom again. He got a job. I feel like I've said this before. Just forgive me. I'm slightly damaged. My friend Phil has been wanting me to move in with him all summer. During the heat of the moment after Kris and I get into a fight I would call him and ask if he still had the room available. Well somehow he got the impression that I was definitely moving in and texted me today telling me he had an application for me to fill out, come by whenever, and I could move in early if I wanted to. I responded with a text telling him sorry, but I couldn't leave Kris in the situation he was in. Dick or not he's my son. He's got to fix his car and has no money to move with. He can be a real dick sometimes. He gets really snotty when he doesn't get his way. Probably a good thing I'm not moving in with him. Dad keeps nagging at me that staying with Kris is the stupidest thing I can do. Coming from a man that doesn't know any of his 5 grandchildren, hasn't spoken to my sister in 16 years...what does he know about loyalty to family? So that's my rant. 4:05 a.m. - 10.03.14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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