integrating's Diaryland Diary

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"flowers in december".....Mazzy Star

Since the last time I wrote.....Kris has managed to disable his car again. When I asked him what was wrong he got furious and started slamming things around then went to his room and kick-slammed his door. Then he wrote on FB "feeling furious".

Now I ask you...is that a reasonable reaction? Something is wrong with him.
And I don't make things any better by calling my dad and my friend for refuge every time this kind of shit happens.

AJ put it to me very simply the other day.."He's family and you're leaving him in a shitty situation. He's got to pay me back and he's got to fix his car."

Guess I won't ever forget those words..."he's family".

I've GOT to stop calling my dad and my friend every time things blow up.

I've started walking every day. When I first started I thought I was going to have a heart attack by the time I got home. Now I'm not even winded. I want to continue seeing results about losing weight. So far I have lost 20 lbs. That's from the digital scale at the Dr.s. I don't have a scale at home and don't have another Dr appt for over a month.


I swear I don't think I have diabetes. Every time I take my glucose reading it is normal, whether I've just eaten or not.

On the love life front...stopped talking to Tom. Just not a good idea to get involved with anyone right now...or ever. I've just had too many physically violent relationships and mentally damaging ones that have left me with deep scars. I think I'm just fine being alone. Unless Ryan Gosling discovers me and finds that he cannot live without me.

9:45 a.m. - 10.24.14

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