integrating's Diaryland Diary

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PTSD

I have been taken by police to suicide watch at least 4 times that I can remember and I've admitted myself to the psych ward more times than I can count.
I attempted suicide in 93 but I didn't take enough pills to kill me. I woke up the next morning and my first thought was oh fuck! I can't do anything right.
I did the real deal in 2006. This was after the first time I was taken to a psychiatric hospital for 7 days, my father told my mother referring to me, "If something's broken you throw it away."
That hurt me very deeply.I was also looking at my oldest son going to Iraq in 3 months.
I was constantly crying about that and then the dad thing happened and I had just got my anxiety meds and took all 60 pills.My boyfriend at the time took me to the emergency room. I was in a coma for about 6 days. They were going to send me to the state hospital but they released me to my mother.

I am bi-polar, major depression and severe anxiety. When I was living in the car and always checking into the psych ward I was diagnosed as borderline personality disorder. Now that my life has settled down I don't have
that anymore. I have PTSD because my father
abducted my brother and I and moved far away from my mother and told us she had died..My paternal grandmother was always telling my dad to let my mother see us. He never would so she told my mother. I was 3 when my dad took me. I was 7 when she came to see me and for a split second I thought I was looking at my mother's ghost.

Really fucked with my head.

12:02 a.m. - 09.24.16

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