integrating's Diaryland
Diary
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"suicide attempt"
So I chug down 56 mg of Xanax. (I remember now there is a notebook missing because I remember a really funny story about being in the psyche ward. I have admitted myself so many times I can't count.)
My boyfriend drops me off at the emergency room. (He won't go in because of another story I'll tell later.) He tells a nurse what's going on as I go into the restroom. She follows me in there. I leave. She follows me out calling, "Ma'am! Ma'am!" I am going unconscious and it takes all my strength to get to a gurney I see in the distance.
Next thing I know I'm in a hospital gown and in front of me is a very pissed off woman doctor holding out a charcoal shake to me. No clue as to why she's so pissed off, but I chug the shit. She walks off and to show her she's not the boss of me, I walk out of the hospital, gown and all. A nurse comes and gets me. By this time I've made it to the parking lot.
Next thing I remember is waking up in the ward lying on a gurney in restraints. Everything is fuzzy from here on out. My boyfriend called my parents. They drove two hours to the hospital. At the time I hated my mother and was yelling at her to go the fuck home. I remember drawing as deep a breath as I could and just screaming until my lungs were spent.
My boyfriend wouldn't come in so he sent his brother in to check on me. I remember opening and closing my eyes and wondering if I was halucinating. When I realized it was Cameron I closed my eyes because I really couldn't keep them open. Later he told me I still had the charcoal shake around my mouth.
That's pretty much all I remember, except the fight with the hospital police and the attendant. Anyway, they told me I was in there 7 days and was in a coma for 3 days.
Dr. was going to send me to the state hospital, but released me to the custody of my mother. Three days later I went back to my fucking idiot boyfriend.
That's about it.
12:52 p.m. - 01.25.12
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