integrating's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Final Fuck Off I'm depressed. I miss my boys. I'm pissed that my dad is holding me hostage mentally. My hands are shaking. Back surgery last April, fucked it up in Oct, fucked it up real good moving by myself. My dad KNOWS this. He knows I'm in pain, but he has zero sympathy. I was packing and moving heavy boxes by myself for a week. Sorry if I'm repeating myself. He's been a tool through this whole thing. Well, an even bigger tool. I still have my clothes over there and he's bitching at me to come get the rest of my stuff. It's been snowing since Wednesday and he knows I can't drive in the snow because of my old tires. I went to get new tires last week but they had to order them, they'd be there Wed. He's grilling me like I'm a little kid, "Did you get your tires?", when I had just told him I was in such unrelenting pain Wed and Thurs. Not only was I eating painkillers and moaning from the pain, I was sleeping on the floor. I dreaded having to get up. So he barks at me about the tires. I said I just told you I was in bed on painkillers. He says, "that's because you never do anything." Fucking asshole. He starts bitching at me like it's some kind of fucking emergency. He says, "I need to get this place squared away!" The man who has 9 indoor cats and he only cleans the boxes once a week. So many fights about the stench that I can smell in the fucking kitchen when I'm trying to cook. I kept experimenting on how to get the fucking cat hair out of my clothes. The result? 30 minute pre-soak in hot water with extra detergent and a second rinse. One day he said he was gonna have to rent my room out. I said under my breath, "good luck with that." I was just fine til I talked to him on the phone. OK I'm mad again. I'd rather be mad than my stomach all in knots anticipating his bullshit. I've been happily putting things away until I was out of commision. That's another thing. He asked me like I was a little kid if I had everything put away, like it's any of his fucking business. He's expecting me to come get my shit today. I'm not, so I sent him a pic of my truck encased in snow. I am not forgiving him again. My sister wrote him off 20 yrs ago. He overcharged me on my truck by about $1000. I was trying to stay friendly, but fuck'em. I can't let him manipulate me anymore. It's sport for him. I gotta focus on my goals. Stash every dollar I can and get the fuck outta MT. 11:09 a.m. - 02.09.20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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