integrating's Diaryland Diary

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"been caught stealing"....Jane's Addiction

I don't see where I've talked about the excrutiating pain in my legs and knee. It's so bad I cry.
I have an appt with my regular Dr. tomorrow to see what this is all about. Luckily she is a bone specialist.

Kris has taken me to 2 appts last week and now he has to take me to one tomorrow. It's the Dr. that's always running late. It's at 10am so maybe she won't be running too late.
Anyway, the point is he's going to be furious when I come out.

The appt with the cardiologist only took an hour and he was so pissed he was driving like a fucking lunatic. The roads were wet and I was scared to death.

Same as yesterday. We went to WalMart and he beats me to the car. I'm not sure, but I guess that's what pissed him off. Buying him food pissed him off to the point of dangerous speeding. He took a right turn so bad the tires squealed.

I really hate living with him but I see no way out without moving to MT with my dad, but I don't want to do that. I would miss my mother's funeral. I would miss AJ getting married and having his children. I don't want to be an absentee grandmother.

My father is so controlling and he has already slipped up and called me a hypochondriac. He didn't even realize he said it.

God my knee hurts so bad. I'm up so early I guess because my knee hurts. The only way I can explain it is that it feels totally swollen. The symptoms have changed too. This all started maybe 2 weeks ago. First it was pain in the muscles above both knees. Now it is still pain in the muscle but now it is my knee mostly. It's excrutiating to get up from a seated position and also sitting down.

Guess we'll find out tomorrow. Also need to discuss med changes with her.

6:28 a.m. - 07.20.14

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