integrating's Diaryland Diary

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Chloroform

Yes I am moving Feb 1. I can't wait to get out of here. I've been in bad shape. I stay in my room all the time. For the last week, I guess, when I need to leave my room my hands start shaking and I can't breathe. Gulping air like a fish on the grass. When I get back to my room I start the wind down. Breathe and imagine I'm meditating in my new apartment. I'm counting down the days. It's so surreal. Three years of mental torture and I am leaving in ten days.

I just had one of my favorite songs pop into my head. Trailer Trash by Modest Mouse. There's a video with the lyrics. Once you know the words, the song gets trapped in your heart.

I made a playlist today. Mostly new music, some faves thrown in. Didn't write the names of the songs though.

Starcrawler
Rolling Stones (Monkey Man? I'm a Monkey?)
The 1975
The S.L.P.
Courtney Barnett
Goldfrapp
Lykke Li
The Amazons
Lucia
Shame
Black Honey
Dilly Dally
The Mysterines
Dorothy
Miles Kane
Dead Vibrations (unfortunately I forgot to put this on the playlist)

I can't get D-land to answer me, ever.

I feel sad. Why...surely you can hang on for ten more days. Melancholy

12:38 a.m. - 01.21.20

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