integrating's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One plate. One fork. I fantasized about killing you. I've had a counselor for a couple yrs now. He knows what I'm going thru. I was on the verge of insanity cuz my dad was on me about every petty little thing from the time I woke up until he retired for the evening. Like the one plate, one fork I would put in the sink when I woke up. I had my cat in my room all night and the plate and fork had dried cat food on it. So I would put some hot soapy water on it. He would scream at me to wash my dishes. Every. Morning. One plate. One fork. One time he got right behind me screaming into my ear. The only relief from it was the night my mother died, and the next morning. That was all the sympathy I got. I was losing my mind. It took two or three wks to realize I had not thought of my mother at all cuz of his mental torture. He was not letting me mourn my mother. My counselor knew I was in crisis. That's when he immediately got me a psychiatrist to prescribe meds to help me cope. I saw her a month later, she asked if I was coping any better. I was seriously on the edge of insanity. I cried out, "How do I know! He won't leave me alone!" She had to seriously jack up my meds so I could cope. I only came out of my room if necessary. I cannot even express my gratitude I finally got out of there. 12:30 a.m. - 04.06.20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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