integrating's Diaryland Diary

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"obsession"

Every morning as I try to wake up, I'm stuck in a life and death nightmare. It makes me have panic attacks as I'm trying to wake up.
Every morning.
God it drives me crazy. So I get up to shake it off and the anger slowly dissipates. I have my coffee,(probably not a good idea), and contemplate what I'm going to do with myself for the day since I am mentally and physically unable to work.
I have a lot of anxiety over that every day also. I worry that my disability check will be stopped immediately.
Every 2nd day of the month I call for my bank balance with desperation, convinced it won't be there.
I don't know what to do with myself.
I've tried looking online for things to do for money and all I got out of it is spam in my email box. So I'm trying to write a romance novel. I've read them and thought, "I could do this."
Not as easy as it seems apparently. I'm trying though. I've been working hard on it. But now I'm starting to feel like I'm in deep waters because I've already told people I'm doing it.
I need to stop obsessing.
I need to stop obsessing.
I need to stop obsessing.

9:09 a.m. - 05.08.12

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