integrating's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "mistakes" I haven't been on in a few days. I've been kind of depressed because all my family is spread out all over the place. Too far to come visit me. Not very many friends. I've lost touch with most because I moved away and was gone for at least a decade. But, I bought a yoga dvd and a meditation cd that are helping me. I think I just need a little patience. I found my high school boyfriend on FB. I called him, he was thrilled to hear from me. He called me the next day and was talking about possibly picking up where we left off. Neither one of us broke up with the other, his family moved out of town. Now I'm not hearing from him and he hasn't answered my txt or my 1 missed call. I was disappointed, but I'm calming down. If it's meant to happen it will. In other news, my mother had to call EMS the other night because she couldn't breathe. She has COPD and congestive heart failure and the doctors don't know which one is giving her difficulty breathing. She has these episodes but usually toughs it out. She almost passed out from this last one. I am so scared of losing her. So many years I was mean to her and I cry about it. I had not forgiven her for giving me to my dad when I was 3. But when you become a parent yourself and realize that your parents are just people trying to do what they think is best and they are no more perfect than you are. I know I've made huge mistakes with my 2 boys, and I am tortured about all these mistakes I've made everyday. I wake up with anxiety attacks thinking of bad memories. Sometimes I just hate myself and feel like I'm being punished. I guess there aren't meds for what I have. 10:35 a.m. - 06.26.12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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